What To Do When PMS is More Intense than Usual: Part One
Tips for managing PMS in the heat of the moment and WHY it tends to be more severe
Whether you have PMS once in a while or it is suddenly getting worse every month, premenstrual anxiety sucks. This can also manifest as fits of rage, shut down mode, irritable + bitchy, thoughts of giving up, or even anhedonia.
When I experience premenstrual symptoms that are more intense than usual, I lean on a variety of present moment strategies to manage the intensity of the emotions. You probably know most of the emotional intelligence tactics I’ll be covering in this article, but sometimes it's helpful to just see it laid out by someone else in a different way. Repetition is a really powerful and effective way to learn - so even if you've learned it before - sometimes just reviewing it again can help to:
connect the dots
strengthen your WHY for calling upon that particular skill in the heat of the moment
bring this information to top of mind so you remember to practice it in lower intensity, less stimulating moments
prepare you to use emotional regulation tools in higher intensity, highly stimulating moments
increase your chances of successfully reducing premenstrual anxiety in the height of the moment
It helps to be proactive too with things like food, exercise, etc — next week I will share how you can adapt a more future focused mindset in order to reduce the chance of PMS/PMDD impacting your mood. Preventing symptoms is obviously the preferred method because then you don't have to manage such intense emotions as they're happening.
Your mood will still be impacted on some level prior to menstruation — but it won't leave you impaired or feeling as though you're losing your mind. Tools like cycle syncing, are meant to help you feel more equipped, strong, capable and able to handle PMS/PMDD emotions with confidence, self-awareness and self-compassion.
This article will give you an in-depth look at three major things:
the four primary reasons why PMS is suddenly more intense than usual
emotional regulation techniques to use for more severe PMS emotions
the five things to focus on in a proactive way for less PMS/PMDD in the coming cycles (coming in part two on Tuesday, November 12th!)
4 Reasons Why PMS is Suddenly More Intense than Usual:
PMS/PMDD can be intermittent moments of anxiety, depression, rage, shut down mode, irritable + bitchy, thoughts of giving up, or even anhedonia that last anywhere from 1-2 weeks prior to menstruation.
Over the years, I have found that my symptoms tend to flare up the most when:
I haven't eaten well that day
I didn't move my body as much as I could have
I haven't been getting good quality and quantity of sleep
Or I'm simply just stressed out the wazoo
PMS is a frustrating part of womanhood, for obvious reasons. No one likes to face themselves. Because that's what PMS is — it's literally a messenger that's like “heyyyy, something is out of balance and out of whack”. Now listen. Things are always going to be out of balance. But if PMS gets to a point where you’re like HOLY CRAP, I’m tirrreeeddddd of having PMS every month…. then let’s fix that!!
In The Heat of the Moment: Emotional Regulation Tools
When I'm feeling intense emotions like sadness or anger, I tend to fall back on a couple things:
MINDFULNESS - becoming more aware and hyper focused on things like sights, sounds, smells and touch
RELEASING THE EMOTION BY EGGING IT ON IN A HEALTHY WAY —such as listening to a sad song or journaling what's on your mind. I know for me, a lot of pent up emotion comes from overthinking, overanalyzing, an inability to control the inner critic where you're just see-sawing from negative to positive emotions without the positive attitude sticking around for longer than 3.5 minutes. Releasing the emotion could also look like keeping a bunch of spare cardboard boxes lying around to punch and kick so that you don't break anything valuable. Or, of course, a pillow works just as well!
HIT THE RESET BUTTON — if you don't have the luxury of time to feel your emotions and need to manage them quickly… one bandaid option is to go for a quick walk out in the sun, drink some water or splash your face with cold water. Try taking some deep breaths in and out (in a dramatic fashion) to move the energy through! Emotions are energy in motion — so try to huff and puff through it. If you can, try stealing away to another room or your car for a quick pow wow with yourself.
PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION — this is really helpful even if you don't respond to positive affirmations right away. There are times when my oldest daughter will be in crisis mode, throwing a temper tantrum and releasing emotions. I will validate then assure her that everything is okay and just flip flop between the two until she's receptive to solutions. Here’s what it looks & sounds like:
I'll start by repeating what she's experiencing “I notice you're feeling angry” and then say “it's okay to be mad, I'm here for you”. This is a script you could seriously try with yourself. But here's the kicker — many times when I open with this dialogue, she can sometimes get even ANGRIER and want to shut me out. I see that as a good sign! I myself tend to want to run away and be left alone when I'm feeling stressed, so I take this as an indication that she's reached peak levels. It's only downhill from here. She may stay there for a while and physically try to close the door on me. But eventually after I keep volley balling with validation and encouragement, she slowly lowers her shoulders, making eye contact with me & starts breathing normally.
A side note: Motherhood is so fascinating in witnessing that process in a young person. It really helped me to understand my own emotional process. It was absolutely SCARY at first, though. It took me YEARS of practice before I figured out how to usher both my six and four your old daughters through intense emotions, let alone MYSELF. But if you'd like a spark of hope — it CAN be learned and it CAN be mastered! So practice self compassion as often as you can, and eventually it becomes engrained in your hard wiring!! 🙂
Stay Tuned for Part Two, coming Tuesday November 12th:
Reducing the Frequency & Severity of PMS in Coming Cycles: 5 Future Focused Skills
Found this article helpful and want to do more for your menstrual and mental health? Try my FREE Cycle Syncing Template. Inside, you’ll find tips on how to align your food, exercise, housework, socializing, passion projects, and MORE with each phase of your cycle. You can also tune in to the Menstrual Mental Health Podcast, featured on Apple, Spotify and Podbean for more free support with reducing PMS/PMDD.
